I love this picture because it is just Glenn and Jeff relaxing at home.

It seems few and far between that I blog anymore. I guess I feel that there are only so many times and so many ways that you can say that you truly miss somebody. Right now I think about what it will be like to have our own home again being able to make meals for my family, and to watch The Cosby Show with Glenn at night, like we used to. I look forward to having Glenn brush our Jeffrey's teeth again, because I am certainly no good at it. Right now I can only imagine how strange it will be to have him here again, although I have read that once they are back it's almost like they were never gone. I look forward to renting movies from time to time, going to Starbucks on lazy Saturdays, and to hearing his Jeep pulling into the drive at the end of the day. Although we have less than 3 months left, it still seems like it's going to be so long until he is back. I told him today that although I am no fan of the show "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air," I flick by it from time to time on the TV and wish he were here to watch it again. It used to drive me nuts when he would watch it in bed because, in my opinion, there are plenty of better shows on to watch, but I will definitely settle for it now. I will settle for him watching Sports Center.

Here are my beautiful boys! Who could ask for anything more?

This is going to sound cheesy, but I realized today that there is not much beauty in things since Glenn has been gone. There are still things that I like, like walking by the creek here in town with it's calm, snowy white banks, but there is just something missing. Maybe it's just that today was kind of a difficult day with the boys, so it's possible that I was just more down than usual.

On a funny note, I have to write this story because it is too funny. I am staying at my in-laws house, and my room is a renovated conference room (they are caretakers of an old mansion that is the community center) with a door leading into the one bathroom in the apartment, which in turn leads into my in-laws bedroom. Almost every morning, my 2-year-old, Jeff, gets up and opens the door that leads into the bathroom, and my MIL puts on cartoons for him while she gets ready for work. This morning, I was dreaming that Jeff opened the door in the dark of the early morning to go see Grandma. I only realized it wasn't a dream when I heard my FIL talking. Apparently, Jeff opened the door, walked into my in-laws bedroom, and said, "Hi, Granddad!" then proceeded to walk out into the living room. He turned around and came back, where my FIL aid, "Go to bed, Jeff." He came back into our bedroom and said, "Mom, wanna turn ona TV." I said no, that it was still sleepytime, and he crawled back into bed and was out as soon as his head hit the pillow, no exaggeration. I wonder if he was sleepwalking? How strange!

3 Months

It has been 3 months since my Glenn left. We are just about half done with this deployment. Most of the time, it seems like it will be such a long time before he gets home, but I know my FIL is right when he says that 3 months is nothing. I guess time seems to be going pretty slowly lately; it seems like we have been stuck at the 3-month mark for a long time. However, I also know that when I go to message boards and read stories of wives whose husbands have left for 12 or 15 months, the relief that I am only a few months away from seeing my love is tremendous. I still can't, and maybe never will, fathom what it would be like to have Glenn away for a year or more. I hope I never have to find out.

I find that being able to see Glenn on the webcam, when he can get his hands on one, is really such a blessing, and there is nothing that makes me happier these days. Of course, there are other things that bring me great joy, like making our 6-month-old son laugh, or listening to (most of) the things our 2-year-old says these days or putting him to bed on the nights where, bless his heart, he is not screaming and crying from having his teeth brushed. But it is a different kind of joy than that which is manifested from being able to see their father and how he still looks the same, and seeing how he still smiles and laughs at the same old jokes I make.

What else can I say other than it's hard to wait for the day that he comes home? At this point I am once again unbelievably thankful that the wait is shorter rather than longer. However, that still doesn't make waiting easy, just a little easier.

Boy, I have been missing him more than ever for the past few days. I was doing ok for a while and staying optimistic, but it has been harder lately. It seems like it will be so long before I get to see him again and my family is back together again. The final inspection on our house was today, so it is good to finally have all the work at the house done. I feel like I can spend more time with both of my boys now. The next hurdle is Jack's surgery on Friday.

What else can I say? Every day is just ok at best. I will be so excited to look back on these posts right before he comes home and to be so glad that our separation is over. But still, I know that there are so many things to be thankful for about this deployment and I am always thankful for them, like the fact he is only gone 7 months.

I Will Be Here

I Will Be Here
by Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up

and the sun does not appear

I will be here

If in the dark, we lose sight of love

Hold my hand, and have no fear

'Cause I will be here



I will be here

When you feel like being quiet

When you need to speak your mind

I will listen

And I will be here

When the laughter turns to cryin'

Through the winning, losing and trying

We'll be together

I will be here



Tomorrow morning, if you wake up

And the future is unclear

I will be here

Just as sure as seasons were made for change

Our lifetimes were made for these years

So I will be here



I will be here

And you can cry on my shoulder

When the mirror tells us we're older

I will hold you

And I will be here

To watch you grow in beauty

And tell you all the things you are to me

I will be here



I will be true to the promise I have made

To you and to the One who gave you to me



Tomorrow morning, if you wake up

And the sun does not appear

I will be here

Oh, I will be here.

I guess I am a little spoiled. Over the past few weeks, I have gotten used to chatting with Glenn via instant messenger almost every morning, and then "chatting" via e-mail in the evening after he got to work. He just started training for his new job, and I have not heard from him since yesterday morning. I have been a bit stressed today, wondering if he is ok. Tonight I realized that I really shouldn't be worried, though I guess it is natural to worry when your husband is fighting a war. I also kept thinking about how I shouldn't be worried, that just because I haven't heard from him today doesn't mean he is not okay. I know he is training for a big job, and that he most definitely does not have as much time to call or write as much as he did before. I know that what he is doing there is vital, and that he will call or write when his training and eating and sleeping schedules allow. Yes, I am spoiled, especially when I take into consideration that there are many spouses who only get to communicate with their other half maybe once a week or once a month. I guess no matter who you are or how often you get to communicate with your deployed loved one, it still is not enough, because you are uesd to them being here.

One thing that I know for sure right now is that I think a lot about the day he will return; what it will be like, what I will be wearing, how the boys will be different, and, mostly, how overjoyed I will be to finally see him again. I'm pretty sure "overjoyed" is an understatement.